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Our Guide to Dating Someone With Children: What You Should Expect

Dating someone with children can be pretty complicated, with many implications that aren’t immediately apparent until a few months down the line. While you might think of it as something as simple as spending time with the kids or attending the occasional sporting event or performance, there’s much more to it. Though it’s crucial to spend time with your significant other’s kids, many nuances may complicate your relationship or help you grow for the better, depending on what the both of you want.

Children require a stable, supportive, and loving home to thrive and grow up into well-adjusted adults. When they suddenly have a potential new mother figure at home, they may act out or feel confused at all these recent changes, which is why it is crucial to tread carefully. For this reason, dating someone with children isn’t for the faint of heart, as you must demonstrate more understanding, patience, and flexibility than ever before. Here’s what you should know about it:

Taking a Parental Role

If you currently don’t have children, it can be frustrating to understand the sudden roles you’ll have when dating a parent. Although you probably weren’t involved in their lives from the moment they were born, it’s essential to realise that you may be part of their reality one day, and you need to ask yourself if you’re ready to take on that responsibility.

For this reason, it is essential to evaluate your capacity to be a caretaker and your ability to meet the expectations of one. Once you meet the children, you’ll start assuming a parental role. Though you aren’t in charge of punishing them or being their primary caretaker, you will be a vital part of their lives, which means you will play a significant role in shaping them. If you don’t take this seriously, you can seriously harm the child, so you’ll want to ensure you’re ready to step into this duty.

The Children Always Come First

You’ve seen the same situation in books, movies, TV shows, songs, and likely in your circles–the stuck-up, competitive significant other that competes for their partner’s attention with their children. You definitely don’t want to find yourself in this position, especially if you see a future with your significant other.

It’s important to remember that if you’re dating someone with kids, you will always come second, not because you are less important to them, but because you’re an adult that is more capable of meeting life’s demands by yourself. Children are delicate and need support and guidance in every single thing they do, which is why their parent will prioritise them over you. If you decide to date someone with kids, you have to be willing to accept that you will not be the centre of attention, and you’ll have to take on a role where you’ll share some parenting responsibilities.

The Sacrifices You Have to Make

When dating someone with kids, frequent, intimate date nights will be hard to come by. They’ll have to figure out school, visitation schedules, transportation to and from extra-curricular activities, and all other aspects before they get to spend time with you.

Still, spending quality time with your partner is crucial. You must dedicate time to go on dates with each other without the kids, which sounds impossible, but is doable. You may not be able to go on long weekend trips, but you can find ways to hang out and deepen your relationship with careful planning.

The Children’s Mom is Just as Important

Lastly, it’s important to remember that the children’s mom will likely be a significant presence in their lives, and you must respect her position. While the best-case scenario is that the mother is friendly and accommodating, you’ll inevitably come into a disagreement. Regardless, you and your partner must find ways to get along with the children’s mother and co-parent effectively to provide a stable home for them, showing them what a healthy relationship looks like.


It isn’t easy dating someone with children, but things will fall into place with work and conscious dedication if your goals align. By using our guide, you can temper your expectations of dating someone with kids, giving you what you need to find a good relationship that will help you both grow.

Shake N Date is an app for couples that offers great ideas for spending quality time together. Whether you want to work on growing your relationship or find exciting dating activities to try, we’ve got you covered. Download the app today!


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